You can be excellent in every way. You can be first class. There is no need for you to be a scrub. Respect yourself. Do not feel sorry for yourself. Do not dwell on unkind things others may say about you. Polish and refine whatever talents the Lord has given you. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life and look for its opportunities.
Figuring out what my limitations really are (versus what I think they might be,)
Doing what I can do within those limitations, and
Not beating myself up for what I can’t do right now.
Therefore I choose to be really proud of the fact that all my luggage is out of the car and that I went and got food for dinner, and I will not focus on the trash that won’t get taken out today and the laundry that will have to wait till tomorrow.
I’m also going to give this month’s Relief Society book group meeting (this evening) a shot, even though I have not re-read the book in question (Dracula) and even though I will be bringing a fairly lame “spooky snack” to share (ants on a log.)
And yes, the Relief Society book of the month is Dracula. I love my ward even though I’m too scared and insufficiently functional to go on Sundays. So far anyway (working on it.)
Not as much as I’d have thought a few weeks ago. We talk a lot about subconscious fears and what, exactly we’re struggling with in my group therapy sessions and some of the classes. And, of course, a lot of this isn’t that subconscious for me. I can almost hear these things in my head like a person is saying them, my self-esteem is so low. So it’s not so hard to know what it’s saying, especially once I get going.
THANK YOU SO MUCH. I will give this a try as soon as I get time. I still haven’t identified my critic. Anxiety + senior year = very hard to set time aside for anything. Was it hard to think this way, to actually verbalize your subconscious fears…?
That’s what my case manager had me do with my inner critic. Now that I know a little more about her, I’m constructing dialogues where I try and identify what she would have to say about something, and then responding with a healthy, logical answer that addresses the faulty reasoning behind it.
With a list of all the things I was thinking about before I started crying, and what thoughts those thoughts led to. I’m vaguely curious, in a “crying has sucked all the oomph from my body” way, to see what she says tomorrow.
So right now I’m feeling pretty awful about myself, and can’t honestly say that I don’t deserve to, and yet also I know, intellectually, that as a person who is not fully emerged from an acute bipolar depressive episode, I am almost certainly seeing things with a massively skewed perspective.