3 notes September 29, 2011 Me and my Inner Critic, part 3 Demeter:I feel lousy today. Critic:That's because you're weak and useless. You should be pulling yourself by your bootstraps and getting on with things. Feeling better is a choice. Demeter:I don't even have boots. And I don't think feeling better is something I can just choose to be. These are chemicals in my brain that are messing me up right now. Critic:You wouldn't need to be on drugs if you'd just work harder, and you know it. Demeter:I don't know it, not really. Trying to get myself to work harder without drugs has never worked for very long, and you know that. Critic:Again, weak and useless. You're always feeling lousy or unable to do things. The only constant here is you, have you noticed that yet? Demeter:Well, that's because this is my body, and my life, and my perspective. Of course I'm the only constant. And look at everyone else in the program - they have lots of troubles too. Critic:None of them skipped today. Demeter:Oh, we don't know that at all. Come on. Besides, I stopped a drug known for having serious side effects when attempting discontinuation. This isn't a huge mystery. Critic:You should be handling it better, though. You're too sensitive. Demeter:Maybe I am, but I'm trying to deal with what I've been handed here. I got out of bed and made lunch and updated my anti-virus software and stuff. That counts for something. Critic:Not much. Not what you should be doing. Demeter:Hey, remember yesterday? I must do the things I have agreed to do, provided they do no harm to me or others. I agreed to stay home and take care of myself today. Critic:You just made that up to look good in class. Demeter:I don't know. The counselor said he was proud of me. I think maybe that's real. Critic:You also said you didn't know if you believed it. Demeter:Yeah, well, I can choose to believe in what I want to. It's up to me. Critic:You're just making excuses for your own inadequacies. Demeter:I don't think so. I think I'm doing what I can do today, what I agreed to do, what I was asked to do. I think that has to be enough. And I think I've had enough of this for now. Filed under inner critic discontinuation discontinuation syndrome weakness feeling lousy
