October 6, 2011

Me and my Inner Critic, part four

Demeter:

I am miserable and cold and hot and bleh.

Critic:

You are such a baby about this kind of thing. Suck it up and deal.

Demeter:

That's not a very helpful thing to say to a person. It's really true that I'm uncomfortable right now, and it doesn't say anything about my character to admit it.

Critic:

Complaining solves nothing.

Demeter:

Maybe, but I don't think I'm going overboard here. I'm not gnashing my teeth and rending my garments, I'm just saying how I feel. And that's helping me to process it.

Critic:

"Process it?" You talk like you know all this psychiatric mumbo-jumbo but you're just freaked out and grasping at straws.

Demeter:

Well it's true that I'm off balance right now. But using words like that helps me to accept that the way I'm feeling doesn't have to say anything bad about me. And really there's only so much "dealing" that a person can be expected to do. I am glad that this time the effects don't seem to be quite as severe, though we'll see how long that lasts.

Critic:

You should feel bad about this, though! Look at you, lying around like an invalid when it's all in your head.

Demeter:

My head is as real a body part as any other. And I wouldn't tell a stranger who felt this way that they should "just deal." I'd offer them a blanket or ask if they had a favorite food I could get them or something. Misery doesn't have to be from a broken bone to be real - or to be treatable.

Critic:

There's no cure for being a lazy person.

Demeter:

That's why I've got the CBT thing going on. Just yesterday, when I was feeling better, I cleaned out my whole car! I'm doing laundry even though I want to find a safe warm spot and sleep and hide. I can do two things at once, and when I'm feeling better, I'll be able to do even more.

Critic:

There's no evidence at all that you're going to ever feel better.

Demeter:

There's lots of evidence to suggest it's possible, and no real evidence that proves it's impossible. And hope and trying is better than the bleak "we're all doomed, I'm a terrible person forever" path you seem to be so into me taking.

Critic:

You're still a wimp.

Demeter:

Have you noticed how much less productive these conversations are now that I've been to so much therapy? Yeah, me too. I think you need better evidence to prove that I'm a wimp before I start accepting it just like that. Talk to you later.

Filed under inner critic CBT depression self esteem therapy bipolar discontinuation discontinuation syndrome