It sounds like you have a lot of questions - it’s going to be hard to really sort through them all (especially on a worknight!)
So I’m going to make a couple of suggestions in the form of references to look at:
Have you been to Mormon.org? There are a lot of basic explanations of what we believe there, and also missionaries who are happy to chat live and explain things you are interested in learning about (they won’t bother later, if you tell them you don’t want to be contacted.)
I never thought a pornography addiction could be a girl’s problem. I was proved wrong when I was about 16 years old. I came across a video of pornography, and since I was alone and curious, I watched it. After that first time, I felt like I had to watch something every day. I became addicted to pornography.
Viewing pornography made me feel bad. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t do anything to change. I was never happy, and I felt dirty and infected with Satan’s tempting filth. But I still found ways to watch it just so I could satisfy my appetite. My addiction led to more and more wrongdoings. I lied to everyone: my brother, my mother, and worst of all, the Lord and myself. I would tell myself that one more movie wasn’t going to hurt me, one more dirty story wouldn’t be that bad.
I still went to church, Mutual, and seminary, but I didn’t have the right attitude or the Spirit with me. I was resentful, so I didn’t get anything from the lessons. I stopped paying my tithing, praying, and reading the scriptures. I felt guilty, but I still couldn’t bring myself to quit. I was bringing myself down every day.
It is past my bedtime and I've only been up for four hours
Yeah, my psych nurse and therapist are going to be thrilled when I tell them about today. It’s definitely the psych nurse’s fault, because she said I seemed “better.” Heh.
(It’s 100% not her fault. I’m actually not sure what’s going on, except that there have been a lot of stressors and destabilizing things going on lately and also that every single day has less and less actual light and that’s never good. I’m totally counting down to when we start getting more light again - less than three weeks to go! But I have no idea if that’ll really help.)
I can't decide if I'm more annoyed with myself or the pharmacy
I’ve lost my latest refill of Vyvanse somewhere around here, I think. I am almost completely certain I got a refill within the last 32 days, but I have only enough here for 2 days, so it’s pretty likely there’s a bottle of 30 that I’ve lost track of.
The trouble with this movie on BYUtv right now is that I'm hoping the husband will leave right now and never darken their door again
OK, fine, yeah, you’re sad about your son’s death. I get it. That doesn’t mean you get to be emotionally abusive toward your wife and everyone around you. That whole “grabbing things and smashing them and trying to scare people half your size” routine? Please feel free to go far far away and let these people find some peace - the kind you’re violently depriving them every waking hour of your day.
Ugh. I think I”m supposed to hope he comes to his senses and they become a happy family again, but I’m mostly hoping she gets an attorney and a restraining order and a therapist, ASAP.
If you want, you can explain that you’d rather talk about personal worthiness issues with a priesthood holder - strictly speaking, you don’t have to tell the missionaries that you deal with on a daily basis about this kind of thing beyond saying something like that. Just don’t lie about it, saying you didn’t do something wrong - it’s better to say nothing than to lie to them (honestly, if I were a missionary, someone saying they hadn’t committed any sins at all would be a major red flag!)
Anyway, the actual baptismal interview is supposed to be done by missionaries who didn’t teach you:
Normally the district leader interviews baptismal candidates taught by missionaries in his district, including candidates taught by his zone leaders. The zone leader interviews candidates taught by the district leader. The mission president or someone he assigns must interview people involved in serious sins. District or zone leaders do not interview baptismal candidates outside their own district or zone unless the mission president assigns them to do so.
And once you’re in the church any kind of confession stuff is between you and your direct priesthood leaders (bishop, stake president, etc.) Plus, your missionaries don’t exactly make the final call on your readiness for baptism (they may not explain who is making the decision, and they do typically have substantial input, but it’s actually not their call alone.)
(Also: Satan really likes all these thoughts and feelings swirling through you right now; he’s probably jumping for joy, or would be if he had a body anyway. I’m not saying he put them there, but I am saying that if you work on fighting them, you’ll be fighting him at the same time.)
Many, many writers like to think you care about the last sentence in their NaNoWriMo novel. I like to think you care a great deal about the last sentence in my novel!
It was then that she finally started getting her answers.
Yep. Seriously. That’s where it ends. No idea if the reader will ever get their answers, as I’m not sure that I know what the answers are and I seriously doubt anyone will read more than the cleverer bits that I choose to dole out at random and annoying times.
I’m going to walk away for a bit to get some ice for my wrists; I’ve got 1,341 words left to do in the next 100 minutes and I’d rather not be in agony for them.
So anyway, here’s the last few lines I’ve written:
They’d sooner give up walking on two legs and breathing air in favor of walking on their hands and breathing liquid methane.
If she remembered right, there was actually a cult on Luna that’d tried something like that, once. It didn’t really catch on, because all their evangelists died really fast and certainly well before their message could spread far. Corpses make for surprisingly bad missionaries.
I get noticeably more poetic and bizarre and kind of disturbing the longer I go, it seems.
So, the Kirtland Hornets totally won a spot in the Ohio (high school) state football championsip
And it’s pretty silly for me to be pleased with this, because I’m not from (or living) anywhere near that town, but hey, Mormon history-loving chick here, so they get an extra not-particularly-devoted fan for a reason very few of their players would be able to conceptualize (at least at first.)
If you’ve been following along, you may be asking yourself “does Demeter actually speed up as it gets later and later?”
The answer is yes - like a lot of non-neurotypical people (including specifically people with several of my diagnoses, e.g. bipolar disorder and ADHD,) I am a time-shifted-towards-evening person. What takes me three hours at 7am takes 30 minutes at 8pm (and this isn’t impacted much by my meds, except the ones I take at night that make me very very sleepy and the stimulants that make me bizarrely alert but not exactly productive in the mornings.)
If we lived in happy magical run-by-Demeter world, I would be getting to bed around 3am and waking up around 11am. Alas, poor Demeter.
If there were two days left, instead of one, I’d be able to say that I’ve written as many words today (basically) as I’d need to write on each of the following days, in order to make it.
As it is, I’ve written about two thirds of the number of words I need to write today in order to be able to say that I’ve written as many today as I need to write tomorrow, in order to make it.
I need to take a break - an extended one, like an hour or something - so I can regain some focus here. I’d love to get another 4,000 words tonight, but I’m slowing down dramatically and I don’t know how much more I can manage. I don’t want to leave myself with over 16,000 to do in one day, though. So I’ll be back, I hope.
The funny thing about how I'm at 28,000 words on day 29
It’s that I’m not exactly panicking. I know this is ‘not good’ and I’m really irritated about this in a lot of ways…
… but in most years, I type for less than 20 hours total over the course of the entire challenge. I type at a rate of about 100 words per minute, and actually, when I do things like Write or Die, I typically end out getting the whole thing finished in 12 hours of physical keyboard time. I’ve done an hour or so today and gotten in over 2500 words, and that’s with Dr. Who playing and while trying to eat a sandwich and so forth.
It’s all about making myself do it, prioritizing it, not getting distracted, and letting go of how frustrated I am with myself and with the book (which I am quite certain I will never touch after this 50k is done.)
What’s spectacularly appalling is the fact that this year it’s not coming together despite how easy it really should be, and almost always is. I tend to alternate between “good” and “lousy” years, but this one is “appallingly unacceptable.” I think that’s why I’m so behind: it’s my old friend “this isn’t easy and I find that disgusting and therefore I’m not going to try.”
Well, Sir Lameness, behold my glove smacking across your face. I’m going to do another 1,000 words and then I’m going to put something on for dinner. Neener, neener.
It looks like the spammers are all doing that campaign
If you want to quickly hide all the people sharing nakedness in the #lds tag, use Tumblr Savior to block:
mormon women bare
I recommend blocking each user posting under those tags now to solve the issue on a longer-term basis; my assumption is that they’ll learn to stop using the tags but keep posting nakedness in the #lds tag.
I’m going to take a break and read a bit of Catching Fire - see if I can’t find some inspiration and figure out what I’m going to write next.
At this point I’m basically 21,000 words behind; I want to get as caught up as humanly possible while I feel physically capable of it, because a lot of the last month I simply haven’t felt that way. But I also don’t want to burn out, which is why I’m not pushing myself like crazy today or planning to stay up till I hit X words or whatever. Also, my physical and mental health is important. More important than winning, even.
I reeeeeeeeeeeally want to go watch Catching Fire.
Like, a lot.
Like, I’ve had to stop myself from browsing Fandango repeatedly with “no stop that it’s still Sunday.”
Which is why I’m posting this on Tumblr (I generally try to refrain from the actual fighting-temptation stuff for several important reasons.)
I will not go watch this movie today. I don’t care that I could still make the matinee and that it’ll be more crowded over the holiday weekend and that I’m bored and that I really want to see what they do with it.
I mean, yes, I do care, but I stillwill not go watch this movie today.
There are six full days in which to do this - there’s not a single commandment discussing what one can and cannot do with one’s self on Thanksgiving Day, even.
Totally just added "billie," "matt," "david," and several versions of "doctor who" to my Tumblr Savior blacklist
They didn’t show the live broadcast in theatres in my area (probably because it was going up against college football, which is second only to God in overall popularity in this area, and that’s only because we’re a deeply religious part of the country.)
How about multiple accounts of the first vision from the person who experienced it??? How do you resolve that? It is very well documented that Joseph changed his story multiple times before the "official" version
When you tell a story to different audiences, different details stand out. Streamlining them all into one account doesn’t make Joseph Smith a liar or a fraud.
Again, there are also multiple, contradictory accounts of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, yet nobody bats an eye about that. If you want to argue about contradictions in stories/accounts, read and study the Synoptic Gospels and see how much each of the four accounts has that’s exactly the same as the other three (hint: little to none, because they’re all told from different perspectives, at different times, and different things stood out to each writer).
Also, Paul the Apostle contradicts his own self in his account of the vision he had on the road to Damascus, because each time he is speaking to a different audience and thus he has to retell it differently to keep from getting himself killed.
Yet nobody bats an eye at these Biblical errors, but oh man, if a Prophet of God isn’t absolutely perfect or makes mistakes it’s hellfire and brimstone for him.
I myself also have issues remembering things exactly the same way that they happened, as do most people. This really is a very weak argument to make against the Church considering that, as I’ve said, the entire Bible has plenty of errors of the same nature.
EDIT: If you choose to leave the Church, or not believe in it, that’s your choice, but you’re not free to avoid the consequences of your choices, including reblogging my post, then deleting the reblog to try and grayface yourself. Good try, but I caught it and I know who you are.
My stepdad is a temporarily vegan masonic "ooh, check it out, runes!!!" kind of Mormon. You know, the ones who read Dune to their young kids as a bedtime story, and let six-year-olds hide behind the couch and watch RoboCop without saying a word.
And he constitutes less than 25% of the total weirdness in my immediate family, people.
This is a modified version of what I told an Asker just now:
I am the strongest advocate for blocking people this side of the guy who owns the patent on blocking people.
This is largely because of the issues I have - there is literally no room in my brain for fighting off other people when the fights aren’t necessary. But I don’t just recommend it for people who’ve been on disability with severe depression (or whatever.)
The people who act like that are taking advantage of the internet to do something no decent human being would ever do to someone in real life - there’s no reason to be the only one who suffers while also being the only one playing the real-world-rules, you know?
I do worry about the “you can’t turn people off in real life” problem, but in my opinion that only counts when you’re doing it to people you actually know, in contexts that really matter. I don’t block my parents, and I only block friends when they’re being stupid strictly online about things in ways where it’s truly not worth it to confront them. Like, I blocked a relative because he swears a lot, but we still get along in person and I didn’t block the rest of his family and I don’t ignore messages sent directly to me.
To put this another way, there are a few hundred users on Tumblr I’ve blocked. About 60% of them, at least, have posted something “bad” at least twice in the “mormon,” “exmormon,” “book of mormon,” or “tumblrstake” tags. Probably 10% were theoretically pro-church, and the rest were, well, not.
I also make extensive use of the Tumblr Savior keyword blocking feature, and I have a large number of swear words in my asterisking plug-in. No one has the right to put things in my head without my permission.
For the Strength of Youth says, “As you seek to be a friend to others, do not compromise your standards. If your friends urge you to do things that are wrong, be the one to stand for the right, even if you stand alone. You may need to find other friends who will support you in keeping the commandments. Seek the guidance of the Holy Ghost as you make these choices” (, 16–17).
In a broad sense, we never really end a friendship. People should always feel that they can come to us for help and kindness when they need it. But we might need to stop spending time with people whose choices have taken them so far from the path of righteousness that they are constantly a bad influence and refuse to receive any good influence from us or anyone else. Through prayer, scripture study, and counseling with parents and leaders, you can be guided by the Holy Ghost in your decisions about your friends.
"When members need to have certain blessings withheld, the Lord’s object is to teach as well as to discipline. So probation, disfellowshipment, and excommunication, when they become necessary, are ideally accompanied by eventual reinstatement and restoration of blessings.
I remember as a child occasionally coming unkempt to the dinner table. My mother wisely sent me to clean up and then return. My parents would have been pained if I had taken offense and had run off—and I would have been foolish to do so. In the same way, the servants of the Lord occasionally find that they must, in loving concern, send some of Heavenly Father’s children out the door so they can return clean once again. The Lord does not want us to “miss supper.” In fact, he has a great feast prepared for those who return clean and pure through the door. He is greatly saddened when anyone decides they prefer to be unclean and miss the meal, or when they find an excuse to take offense, or when they run away. He is pleased to extend the chance to start over.”
- A Chance to Start Over: Church Disciplinary Councils and the Restoration of Blessings, Elder M. Russell Ballard
I wasn’t able to sleep till something like 2am, possibly later, and even though I called in sick for the first half of my shift, and slept till 11am, I still have felt “off” and just plain sick all day. If I had a husband or roommate or something, I’d be on the couch quietly hoping someone would make me soup. I’m considering lying on the couch and doing that even though it’s literally impossible for someone to show up with soup for me (especially now that my sister has unfollowed this blog.)
But first I’m going to eat a miniature 3 Muskateers thing. Because it’s already sitting here next to me, and the couch is a good 9-foot walk from here.
This list and its commentary strikes me as an incredibly unhelpful - downright shaming and belittling - way of discussing the issue of positive mental habits. I mean, seriously, can you get much more judgmental than this while still being vaguely true to, e.g., core CBT principles?
Some people with OCD have overt and rigid rituals - washing hands over and over again, checking whether lights have really been turned off or not, etc.
Some people with OCD are so afraid of, for instance, contamination, that they sit on their couch every day trying to both not notice the things that are contaminated and also not cause new contaminations. and also keep themselves from going through their cleaning rituals which pretty much make them hate and fear themselves.
Some people with OCD sit in church right next to the fire alarm because they’re afraid someone will pull it (and that will be terrible and they might giggle or shout for joy or otherwise be gleeful and sadistic and wrong) but they spend the entire time extremely worried that they might want to pull the fire alarm and also deeply concerned about what will happen if they pull the fire alarm and BTW what kind of insane horrible person are they for possibly wanting to pull the fire alarm at church of all places. Then they stop going to church and try very very hard not to investigate the issue of whether or not someone else pulled the fire alarm at church today, when their family comes home.
OCD is the name given to a complex group of symptoms that mostly come down to intrusive and seemingly uncontrollable thoughts, and undesired and seemingly uncontrollable behaviors. Some people with OCD, the only real “compulsion” they have is worrying about the intrusive thoughts they get. Some people with OCD, they have no idea why they keep washing their hands except that they have to do it. Most people with OCD have noticed some thoughts that are pretty obviously “obsessional” and most people with OCD have some observable behaviors that are pretty obviously “compulsive,” and a lot of them are specifically overly scrupulous or overly responsible (worried about “should” and being “broken” and “if I don’t do this people will suffer” and such.)
Many, many people with OCD also have comorbid disorders, and it can often be very hard to figure out whether someone has OCD or something similar to it (the differential diagnosis includes everything from the autism spectrum to PTSD!) Probably the most obvious difference between OCD and many of the things that it looks like is that the person with OCD typically really, really hates their compulsions and obsessions, and often worries that they’re “crazy” or “evil” or “dangerous.” There’s typically a strong sense that they can’t control what’s happening, what they’re doing, etc. They don’t tend to enjoy the stuff they do or pick between different options (whereas, for instance, Aspies who stim often do things that they like doing and pathological gamblers and alcoholics derive at least some kind of pleasure from their addictive behaviors at least some of the time.)
I personally have predominately obsessional OCD traits; the fire alarm thing is something I struggle with personally at church, at work, and everywhere else there’s a fire alarm. I’ve been worried that I was “insane” since I was about six years old, primarily due to the intrusive thoughts and autism-spectrum type social issues with my peers.
“Applying the First Presidency’s distinction to the question of same-sex relationships, we should distinguish between (1) homosexual (or lesbian) “thoughts and feelings” (which should be resisted and redirected), and (2) “homosexual behavior” (which is a serious sin).
Persons cannot continue to engage in serious sin and remain members of the Church. And discipline can be given for encouraging sin by others. There is no Church discipline for improper thoughts or feelings (though there is encouragement to improve them), but there are consequences for behavior.
Each member of Christ’s church has a clear-cut doctrinal responsibility to show forth love and to extend help and understanding. Sinners, as well as those who are struggling to resist inappropriate feelings, are not people to be cast out but people to be loved and helped (see 3 Ne. 18:22–23, 30, 32). At the same time, Church leaders and members cannot avoid their responsibility to teach correct principles and righteous behavior (on all subjects), even if this causes discomfort to some.
The struggles of those who are troubled by same-sex attraction are not unique. There are many kinds of temptations, sexual and otherwise. The duty to resist sin applies to all of them.
To have the will and strength to resist sin, we must trust in God and pray for his help. Nephi rejoiced in the Lord, who had supported him and led him through his afflictions (see 2 Ne. 4:20). “Why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh?” Nephi asked (2 Ne. 4:27), adding a prayer that the Lord would redeem his soul and “make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin” (2 Ne. 4:31).”—Same-Gender Attraction, Elder Dallin H. Oaks